Chairs.

In the end, it comes down to chairs.

I realized last night as I was drifting off to sleep that of all of the things in my life that my weight has affected, it has affected my ability to sit comfortably the most.

Before I go to a concert, or movie, or picnic, or restaurant, I always get a jolt of panic and anxiety regarding the chair situation. Will the chairs have arms? If so, will the seat be wide enough to fit my ass? Will the arms of the chair dig into my (more than) ample butt and hips, leaving me in discomfort and with bruises (this has happened several times before when the squeeze was especially tight)?

If the chair doesn’t have arms, will it be sturdy enough to hold the 300+ pounds that is me? Will my butt spill over the sides of the chair and into the seat of the person next to me?

I’m scared to sit in most camping chairs because I fear they won’t be able to hold me. Same with beach chairs. I’ve already written about airplane seats. Booths in restaurants are sometimes problematic if there isn’t enough space between the bench seat and the table.

I can’t sit comfortably on the ground. I can’t sit Indian-style. I can’t cross my legs.

The chair situation is deeply embarrassing. I like to pretend that other people don’t notice when I often opt to stand instead of sitting, even if there’s an empty chair right beside me. People see me standing and offer me their seat and I say something like, “Oh no thanks, I was just sitting in the car on the way here and want to stretch my legs.”

This has become completely and utterly ridiculous. I know I’ve said ENOUGH before. More times than I can count, really. But at the end of the day, I’m not able to get my shit together for more than a few months.

THIS HAS TO END. There are things I want to do, places I want to go. So many missed opportunities because of my weight. I have a lot of life left to live. I can choose to merely exist, uncomfortable in my own skin, slowly killing myself with food and a sedentary life. Or, I can suck it up over the next year or two, lose the weight, and move on with my life. I’ve got the whole “maintaining” my weight thing down pat.

Now, it’s time to get a grip on the losing part. Again.

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One Response to “Chairs.”

  1. 30and300 Says:

    I can completely relate to you. I was at a funeral home recently and sat on a wicker love seat, and the middle caved in on me as soon as I sat down. It happened in front of my husband’s family and I was humiliated. I hate wondering if I’m going to be able to fasten the seat belt on a plane or if the seat needs to be pushed out in the booth that I’m going to sit in at a restaurant (don’t you just love it when they ask you if you prefer a table or a booth??). Ugh!

    Don’t let it get you down too much. Stay positive, keep moving forward and don’t sweat the small stuff. I wish you luck on your weight loss journey!

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