Archive for July, 2010

Enough.

July 19, 2010

Alright, Erin. Enough fucking around.

You’ve basically eaten every single thing you’ve wanted over the past two months. You haven’t been to the gym. You haven’t counted points. You haven’t gone to Weight Watchers since May 22.

What you HAVE done is gained weight.

Are you trying to send yourself to an early grave? Because that’s what you are doing. You are not living. You are merely existing. You are wishing on stars that your life will become what you want it to be. That you’ll find love, have a family, be able to do all those things that are on your life list.

Well, Erin, let’s be honest here. Those things won’t happen if you don’t get your shit together.

You almost died once because of your weight. It’s no wonder you were uncomfortable and distracted at the movies on Friday night because your legs were swelling up. It’s because you wore a pair of fucking Spanx during the summer and sat basically all day and they were cutting off your circulation. And you were sitting in the movie theater wondering what was wrong with you, having hot flashes of panic and after the third one, you had to leave. And you drove yourself to the ER, and had to call your mother like you did the day you almost died and told her the same thing as you did over two years ago: “Mom, something isn’t right.”

And you got to the ER and had to have an ultrasound on your leg to make sure there wasn’t a blood clot.

And yes, after it was all said and done, it was kind of funny. You laughed about it with the PA and the doctor and your mom when the doctor came in and told you that your only prescription was to not wear Spanx anymore. You left feeling much better than you did 3 hours before.

But you were scared. You were embarrassed. You were ashamed. You were reminded that you hadn’t kept the promise you made to yourself and the bargaining you did with God two years ago. How you would lose the weight and take better care of yourself if He let you live through that.

You’re not keeping up your end of the deal.

Your life is passing you by. You’re no closer to what you want now than you were a year ago. Two years ago. Five years ago. Ten years ago. You’ve wasted some of the best years of your life, and you’ll never be able to get them back.

But you CAN control your future. You CAN make the rest of your life worthwhile. You CAN find love, but you have to stop hating yourself first.

I know there are days when it seems like you don’t care whether you live or die. You DO care, though. You don’t want to die young. There are too many things you want to do.

Its time to get serious again. You might stumble along the way. You read the blogs of others who have stumbled, and who have managed to fight their way back. You have seen them achieve their goals.

You can do it too. But you can’t wait another day.

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