Rant.

So, as I have mentioned before, I am in a wedding on July 3.

My friend who is getting married got engaged on New Year’s Eve, so she basically had 6 months to plan the whole event. Which, of course, can be done. She has mostly everything lined up – she has her dress, the reception site, church, photographer, etc.

It’s the bridesmaids that can’t seem to get their shit together.

Here is the cast of characters:

Maid of Honor: The bride’s younger sister, who has never been in a wedding before. She is also engaged and getting married in August.

Bridesmaid #1: Married, elementary school teacher, has a 20-month old son, pregnant with baby #2. Has been sick for the first 3 months of her pregnancy.

Bridesmaid #2: Married, Ph.D., lives in New England. Wanted us to schedule the bridal shower and bachelorette party around HER schedule. Is not coming to the bridal shower because of a schedule conflict.

Bridesmaid #3: Me.

Bridesmaid #2 is a lot like me – the kind who takes charge and get shit done. She was the one who, about 2 months ago, proposed that we start thinking about the bridal shower and bachelorette party. She starts lobbying hard to have the bridal shower and bachelorette party on the same weekend so she can participate in both since she lives ~8 hours away from the rest of the bridal party.

So, the bridesmaids and bride’s mom go back and forth for 2 weeks figuring out a date for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Once we established that we were NOT going to have them on the same weekend because the bride didn’t want that, Bridesmaid #2 got a little miffed. Once we picked a day for the bridal shower (May 1) and she realized she wouldn’t be able to make it, she got full-on annoyed.

Because time was of the essence, I stepped up and said I would do the bridal shower invitations. I love doing crafty projects like that, so I didn’t mind at all.

But then, no one would make a decision about the time of the shower. The groom’s mother wouldn’t respond to e-mails and phone calls requesting her list of names for the ladies she wanted to invite. The bride’s mom couldn’t seem to get me the names of the stores where the bride planned to register – all things I needed in order to get the invitations out.

After a week of being pushy, I got all of the information I needed. I sent out the invitations last week – roughly 3 weeks before the shower (which, in my opinion, is about a week too late).

In the meantime, I e-mailed the other bridesmaids to let them know the invitations had gone out and that we should probably start thinking about the other details for the shower – food, decorations, games, favors, etc. The MoH responded to basically say that she felt like she should “be the one taking charge” but admitted that she didn’t know what she was doing. I responded with ideas based on my experience hosting a bridal shower and attending ~15 bridal showers in the last few years.

I haven’t heard a peep since then.

Bridesmaid #1 has been totally MIA through the entire process. I know she is probably the busiest of all of us, but if her lazy husband could pull himself away from playing computer games long enough to watch their toddler for a minute, she might be able to actually respond to an e-mail. (Can you tell I don’t like her husband? Oh, the stories I could tell about him…)

This is all hard for me to deal with because I want the shower to be nice for the bride, and I just don’t think something like this can be thrown together the week before. I don’t know how to gently prod the MoH along without being accused of trying to take over. This is the story of my life – wherein I am forced to take the lead because no one else wants to and/or is capable of doing it.

Have any of you dealt with a situation like this before? Is there a way to keep trying to move things along without being too pushy or “taking over”?

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2 Responses to “Rant.”

  1. Becca Says:

    Sounds frustrating and stressful. I wish I had more advice but I’ve never been in a wedding before. I would honestly do what you need to do to make the day special for the Bride – who cares if her sister gets a little miffed. At the end of the day the Bride will be grateful for all of your help and hard worked.

  2. Jenn Says:

    This is where I DON’T UNDERSTAND how people can’t come together to make decisions. In the past, it was much more difficult to plan and sort and arrange. Today though, we have email. I’m similar to you where I feel like I NEED to take over if something isn’t going as planned or ON schedule. ( I was always the person in high school who took the group project over so it would be done RIGHT)

    Today, I send out a huge group email with details to get the ball rolling and that’s when REPLY ALL kicks in. There are some people who can participate in the “reply all” email action and some who just sit back and ignore it.

    It’s so much easier when you can at least get an idea of who’s doing what, who needs to order this and that and finalize details.

    You might be forced to call her. :-/
    She definitely doesn’t have any idea how much work is going into this. I think she might think it’s going to be a lot quicker/easier than it is.

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