Senior Citizens and Spencer Pratt.

And now for something completely different…

Last night some girlfriends and I went to see the musical Rent at a local dinner theater. I was OBSESSED with Rent in high school. I had the double-CD soundtrack and knew every word to all of the songs. However, despite my obsession, I never actually saw the musical. I never even saw the movie version when it came out a few years ago. Considering I’ve been out of high school for almost 10 years now – a fact which makes me feel damn near elderly – I was excited to finally see my high school musical fantasy live.

As I walked into the theater, I was immediately surprised at how many older, grandparent-type people were there. While I’d never seen the show, I knew enough from the soundtrack to know that Rent isn’t exactly on the same family-friendly level as, say,  Hello Dolly or Oklahoma. The whole plot is centered around issues of AIDS, alternative lifestyles, drag queens, sex, drugs, and general life in NYC in the late ’90s. My friends and I all commented on the large number of gray heads in the audience. We wondered aloud if they really knew what this musical was about or if they had just came for the buffet dinner.

As the lights dimmed and the show began, I started to feel very uncomfortable. As things progressed, and the actors groped themselves, thrusted, and grinded against the set and each other, I found myself feeling almost embarrassed for all of the older folks in the audience. I could just picture my grandparents in their position, wondering what the hell they were watching. Right before intermission, one of the female characters pulled down her pants and partially mooned the audience. As soon as the lights came on, my friends and I – who are not a bunch of prudes, BTW – all looked at each other with a wide eyes and sheepish looks. We watched a table of seniors get up and walk out of the theater, and eavesdropped on the table beside us. They were all horrified!

But I was not only driven to distraction during the show because of all of the grandmas and grandpas around me. The actor who played Roger – the broody, HIV+ rocker – looked EXACTLY like Spencer Pratt from The Hills. Now, I have only ever watched that show a few times (is it still even on? I have no clue) and that was enough to last me a lifetime. The main reason I never watched again was not only because it was so obviously scripted and contrived, but because I think Spencer Pratt is one of the most hideous people alive. Just seeing his smarmy face on any of the gossip blogs (yes…I read some of them) makes my blood boil. So the fact that this actor looked exactly like him drove me to distraction.

Needless to say, when the show ended two and a half hours later, I had never been so relieved to get out of a theater. The combination of being in a room with a bunch of grandmas and grandpas while people simulated masturbation on stage AS WELL AS having to watch a Spencer Pratt doppelganger sing and over-act was just too much for me to take.

I think it’s going to be awhile before I go back to the dinner theater.


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