Game, Set…No Match.

After my post last week, I found myself seriously thinking about trying online dating again. So, earlier this week. I signed up for I did it mainly because I was curious about who was out there. I wanted to see if I would get a different response than I have in the past.

I didn’t.

Thankfully, I never went all-out and paid for a subscription. It didn’t take me long to realize that I hadn’t signed up for the right reasons. I was looking for some kind of validation, I guess. I wanted to gauge how interested guys were in me – if they thought I was attractive enough to warrant a ‘wink’ or a message. Because, let’s be honest, Match is all about looking through a list of people who you may or may not have things in common with and judging them based on their respective level of attractiveness. That level of attractiveness is what will bring you to contact them or not.

In a week, my profile had almost 100 views. I got one ‘wink’ and one message. Because I wasn’t a paying member, I couldn’t read the message – but I could tell that the person who sent it was someone that I was not remotely interested in. Hint: he was wearing a du rag, and he was wearing it in a non-ironic way. The guy who sent the wink was a 28-year old with a mustache and a NASCAR t-shirt.

I felt – and still feel – somewhat guilty about my reaction to these guys. In my defense, I could tell by their photos that we probably wouldn’t have all that much in common. But it was then that I realized I was being a hypocrite, and I realized the reason why I don’t really like

I don’t want guys to judge me based solely on my looks or rule me out because I described myself as ‘curvy’ (I’m sorry, but I could not bring myself to pick ‘big and beautiful’). However, I was totally judging guys on the way THEY looked. I might not have cared about their weight, but I would be lying if I wasn’t looking at their pictures to see if they were moderately attractive and/or taller than me. I truly am not that picky, and I have experienced first-hand how a guy who I never really thought was attractive became more and more so as I got to know him. However, the height thing is somewhat important to me. I am 5’7″, which isn’t ridiculously tall, but it’s above average for a woman. If I had a choice in the matter, I would end up with a guy who was at least 6′ tall. I wouldn’t rule out someone who was 5’8″ or 5’9″, but that’s just my preference.

My own hypocrisy bothered me so much that, this morning, I deleted my Match profile.

I would be lying if the fact that so many people looked at my profile and yet only 2 people indicated any kind of response didn’t play a part. It felt like rejection. And, in all honesty, at this point I probably would have been too nervous to actually meet anyone in real life, so what was the point anyway?

I realized that I still have a lot more work to do before I am ready to try online dating again.  And when I do try it again, it’s going to be through eHarmony. I’ve had a little bit more luck with it in the past and feel like it avoids some of the initial judgment based on looks alone that you have with Match.

Of course, I would MUCH rather meet someone in “real life” instead. Maybe that will happen as I begin to feel better about myself and allow myself to get out more often. I need to not worry about it so much. What will be, will be.

Tomorrow is weigh in! I feel pretty good about it. I am hoping for 3 pounds. At the very least I should hit my 5% loss of 18 pounds, which will be an achievement.

Also…next week, I am hoping to do an update post about my house. I haven’t done one on a non-weight related topic in awhile and I’m starting to bore myself. So, stay tuned!


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