Perfect timing.

One of my college roommates got engaged on New Year’s Eve. She’s getting married on July 3.

I’m in the wedding. And I am so thankful for this, to have a goal in front of me. I do great with goals.

Needless to say, I have no choice but to be back on the weight-loss wagon. I will hate myself if July 3 comes and I am standing up there in a size 28 dress, next to the three tiny bridesmaids. They are all very petite girls…under 5’4″, size twos or fours. I have comes to terms with the fact that I am going to be the largest bridesmaid… but I don’t have to be THIS large. I am not a small person. Period. I will never be, even if I lose 150 pounds. I am tall and thick. That’s just the way I’m built. And I’m thankful that my friend is not so superficial that she is still going to have me as a bridesmaid even though I am a big girl. I’ve heard of brides choosing bridesmaids based on their looks rather than their level of friendship, and I think that is just wrong. Those are also probably the brides whose marriages last less than five years.

There is the potential for me to lose a lot of weight in the next 6 months. I don’t want to set some goal that is unrealistic so that I feel like a failure if I don’t achieve it. So instead, I’m just going to stick to my resolutions of eating healthily and exercising and drinking lots of water. Remain focused on how I feel about myself on July 3. I will probably be wearing a sleeveless or strapless dress. It will probably be short. These are two things that I have avoided for a long, long time and that make me nervous to even think about.

But I know how good I’ve felt when I’ve lost weight in the past. Even losing 30 pounds has done great things for my self-esteem. I know I can lose more than 30 pounds, and I hope that will make me feel confident and good about myself, no matter what the bridesmaid dresses look like.

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel the urge to be compulsive about this. I feel like I could go completely off the deep end, to exercise compulsively and limit my food intake. I know that that is not the way to be successful. It’s funny how I go from one extreme to considering the opposite extreme when faced with a deadline and a dress.

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